All praises to Allah for everything I have had, up till now.
I got a little swayed after my SPM results was announced. I was taken aback. I was lost. I was feeling hopeless. I felt; as if there won't be any bright future for me. I was sad beyond words and tears. I was broken. I was embarrassed at my own results. I didn't even want to tell anyone about my results. I felt like locking myself away, away from the world. I lost all my confidence. I lost my strength and faith. I didn't know what to do. My mind was in a terrible mess. I was vulnerable and fragile. My tears, they fell almost all the time.
Well you know what? I think I am still sad. I am still feeling hopeless. I am still vulnerable. I am. I am.
Oh don't get me wrong. I'm not here to ask for your sympathy. I'm not here to ask you to comfort me and whatsoever. Nope.
Because I think it's simply unfair for me to keep crying and losing all my strength and everything. Because as much as you people are thrilled for your own results, I believe there are some of you who felt the same thing as I did. So it's unfair for me to get sad and having hard times about it when there are some other people who face the same difficulties as me, but they chose to look forward and stay positive, & most importantly; mereka redha.
I had put my trust and faith on Allah, but then this whole results thingy just dragged my mental & emotion down way too much. I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the fact that I'm not capable of giving my parents straight As in my SPM. I couldn't handle the fact that my friends got better results than me. I couldn't handle the fact that all my uncles and aunties will talk sooo much about me, about how a Science school student did not perform well in her SPM, about how terrible my results are and blabla.
I thought I couldn't handle it. I thought I'm not strong enough. I thought this whole thing is simply unfair. I thought this was beyond my strength and capability. I lost faith & hope on Allah. I completely lost them all.
Oh look, how ungrateful I am to God.
Oh look, how disrespectful I am to God.
Oh look, how greedy I am; I wanted more than what I've been given.
Oh look, how terrible I am.
This is basically just a humble reminder from me. I felt guilty for not trusting His plans, for not trusting His qada' & qadr, for not looking at the bright side.
Allah dah janji; takkan berikan ujian di luar kemampuan hambaNya. Allah tahu hikmah di sebalik segala kejadian. Allah akan berikan apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya. Allah itu Maha Adil, Maha Mengetahui. Maka, sabarlah, redhalah atas segala kejadian & bersangka baiklah dengan Allah.
1) Train your tongue & heart;
Whenever difficulties happen, whenever you go through hardships,whenever you are being tested, then say, "Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiuun." (from Allah we come, and to Him shall we return)
Let's say you have family problems or emotional problems or problems with your studies or friends or even health problems; have patience & say "inna lillahi..." Because our problems are not permanent. By the time we realise, oh those problems have been solved! So worry not, have patience & put your trust in Allah.
2) Every success is a combination of your effort & Allah's help;
You put effort, Allah gives you His barakah & there you go, straight As in your hand! But for example; you did not get straight As or failed in your examinations, then two things could go wrong. a) Maybe you didn't put enough effort, and when you didn't put enough effort, Allah does not give His barakah. b) Maybe you did put enough effort, but Allah decided not to give His barakah, maybe that's better for you.
-- Before SPM results was announced, I prayed to Him almost everyday,, "jika dengan mendapat straight A dalam SPM 2015 itu bawa keburukan utk aku, utk masa depanku, utk agamaku, utk keluargaku, maka jauhkanlah ianya dariku. Tapi jika dengan mendapat straight A dalam SPM 2015 itu bawa kebaikan untukku, utk masa depanku, utk keluargaku, maka permudahkanlah...".
And.... I did not get straight As. So He answered my prayers. I believe it means that getting straight As does bawa keburukan kepada aku, sebab tu Allah tak bagi straight A. Keburukan kat sini boleh jadi; aku riak, aku takabbur, aku sombong, aku pandang rendah kat orang lain, mungkin family aku pun akan riak kalau aku dapat straight A and etc. Boleh jadi kan?
Dan boleh jadi puncanya datang dari aku sendiri. Aku yang tak usaha lebih, aku yang tak usaha sungguh-sungguh, mungkin doa & amalan aku pun tak cukup banyak. So banyak je sebab kenapa aku tak dapat straight As.
So that's why, I suggest you to look only on the bright side, teach yourself to be grateful, teach yourself to be patient, teach yourself to be 'redha' in any situations sekalipun.
Apa yang Allah beri kat kita dalam hidup ni could mean only three things;
1) Itulah rezeki
2) Itulah yang terbaik
3) Itulah ujian
Sangka baik dengan Allah, dapatlah yang baik. Sangka buruk dengan Allah, dapatlah yang buruk. It's a simple rule to live on, don't you think? :)
