I Finally Did It!

It's good to be legal. Legally 18. Because now that I'm legal according to the law and order, I am now able to 'handle' my bank accounts myself. Although not to mention how I actually know nothing about it... And now that I'm receiving a higher education, along with the allowances every month from the government, I felt some spark of freedom in the context of spending and handling my expenses. I've never actually manage my own money, except during those school days where my dad would give me cash for every two or four weeks. And that's that. I never really had this 'feeling' of owning a debit card, withdrawing money from the ATM machine whenever you need them. At the age of 18, only am I able to do so. Might be late, but I don't know, I loooove it! I love how I have to be independent in such situations, I love how I have to think twice or thrice and debating with myself whether I should spend or save, I love how I am able to think rationally at most times, I love how I have the control of my money and my expenses. I think I'm growing up *patting myself* *so proud*

But these days, I've been spending my money on food. Solely on food. Not just those everyday food, but damn-these-are-expensive-i-might-able-to-eat-them-only-once-a-month kinda food. But I had no regrets upon spending on them, because of course, once in a while you have this craving and the 'lust'. I never really think twice when it comes to food. If I want KFC, I'll just go get them. If I suddenly want Starbucks, I'll go get them. Without even a single guilt.

As much as I love money, I love spending them too you know. Only this time, I have the sense of 'appreciating' the money because it's mine, because the more I spend the less the amount will be. I'm so used with spending my parents' money, without feeling guilty, well sometimes I do but that's a rare case so yeah. I'm just so glad that I don't really have to depend on my parents so much anymore. I'm so glad that I'm studying and enrolling in a higher institute, but not even a single cent is invested by my parents. But they still buy me stuffs, give me expenses, whenever they feel like to. I mean, I've spent the past years of living in this world depending, finishing and spending my parents' money for my education, my daily needs, my clothes and etc. At least, I lifted a tiny burden from my parents. They don't have to think about expenses for my higher education anymore. I'm so glad.

So what did I (actually) finally do...?

Well, I actually have been laying my eyes on these online shopping websites every now and then. But I didn't really have the guts to do so because a) I don't know how to do online banking, paying online and anything related to online shopping b) This time, I am feeling guilty to ask parents for money just to buy some stuffs I want, not what I need c) I'm always in a dilemma and in debate with myself

But today, I've put the problems aside and just spend wholeheartedly!

I FINALLY DID AN ONLINE SHOPPING, like I finally bought something from the internet; online!

I finally have the guts to do so after a very long time! I'm so proud of myself *patting again* and the excitement I feel is infinite!! I can't wait to receive the items in another few days!!! I'm so proud that I'm using my own money instead of my parents'! But on the other side, of course, I am not proud of myself, spending on things that I'm dying to own, not something that I'll die from not owning. There's difference there, everyone, careful. I basically just fell into my own trap and spent like I own all money in the world so yeah that's not good.

But what's been done is done. I'm still excited as this is my first time doing something as independent but 'foolish' I must say? Hahahaha. Nah, no regrets on where the money had gone. No regrets.

This is life; you grow, you experience, you feel, you appreciate.

Well at least this is what I truly wanted; 

to feel alive,

 to enjoy life to the fullest, 

to learn, 

to experience.